Journey To Totality

Short of twenty four hours ago I was preparing for the biggest thing ever that I had to do. I was watching a scope on Periscope and there was a drawing of balloons in the sky and flowers and a fire. The Holy Spirit spoke to me and asked me how much longer I was going to hold onto a major resentment and pain that my father put me through? I had enough of holding onto it once and for all I was going to take the cotton out of my ears and shut my mouth and listen! I was told to write my resentments on paper and burn it and write a letter to my father and to forgive him.  I did then I went to the store and bought a balloon and flowers and I was told to go up to the mountains and tie the letter to the ballon and to let go of it and I did and when I did that I felt the needless guilt and shame that I was carrying inside of me totally gone. I did this at three am Saturday and I now feel so liberated and I feel so relieved! I usually have flashbacks everyday and I have had not one!!! God...

This is quite a different post than you have seen however it's a letter to my father to forgive him for what he did to me. Dear Father; I'm writing this letter for I am hurt and angry with you for taking my innocence at the age of three years old and my very first memory of my life was of you fondling me in the bathtub.  That was sick for I was a little innocent baby being traumatized by you. It wasn't just a one time occurrence either! I was so traumatized by the molestation that happened to me that I didn't even speak for the first eight years of my life and mom took me to Boys and girls town National Institute in Omaha for the reasons that she believed that I was autistic and I was diagnosed with autism at four years old.  I was not autistic,  for it was all for the simple fact that I was severely traumatized by you and you thought that I was autistic and I was not so you used a “ handicap “ against me so I would not say anything. I have reasons to t...

In my life I have taken plenty of situations into my own hands and I was self will run riot in some aspects of my life.  I have been angry and downright bitter towards my father and his deacons and elders and his church for very good reasons for they have taken away from me my innocence as a child not to mention my virginity! I want revenge and my flesh wants to be very vindictive for what happened,  however today I was told by God to live under his law and let him take care of the situation and to rest and relax.  I am not going to even front by saying that I am anything but a relaxing and restful person.  I don't know how this is going to work yet I'm into a position of walking by faith and not by sight and furthermore to trust in him with all of my heart and not to lean unto my own understanding. I know that of and by myself and left up to my own devices that I was deep in the grips of Satan for I once was a major player in his playground and now I'm being call...

We all fall short of the glory of God at times and I know that I fall short quite a bit. As a new believer in Christ I have came to the body of Christ with a ton of excessive baggage and I will admit that I have a very long ways to go, however it's not probable that I am going to have it " all together". I admit that my character defects maybe quite glaring to others. I admit that I have been in the world and the ways of it so with this being said I am striving for perfection, however I rather claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection! I am a diamond in the rough and I am the clay and God is my potter molding and shaping me into the woman of God that I am designed to become. I have alot of jagged edges to me and I come across as a sword at times and I can be misunderstood and quite frankly a hard individual to get at times. I'm by far from flawless and I have made some mistakes in the last month of my walk with God although I don't wish to stay ...

I have been being attacked by the enemy by much more mature children of God lately and I am just now starting my walk with God.  I know that people say that they want the truth however I have found in the secular world and the Christian world that people doesn't want the unadulterated truth. They rather have things sugarcoated than the raw honest truth. I have found that people who rejects the truth in one form or another is living in dishonesty about something that they have yet to want disclosed let alone have God deal with them on a particular issue of theirs. I am tired of this nonsense in the body of Christ! Please don't give up five minutes before the miracle happens! Journey to Totality  [ Karla ]

After the many years of being a drug addict and prostitute for over two decades I didn't once get a sexually transmitted disease through the grace and mercy of God. However this is not about the typical physical STD'S that we think about, this is about Spiritually Transmitted diseases. Spirituality transmitted diseases are anger, rage and bitterness and the spirit of jealousy and envy and let's through in addictions into the mix while I am at it. Addiction to drugs and alcohol is a spiritual malady that only God can conquer! I remember when I was hooked line and sinker into drugs I eventually got into what is known as Satan's drug which was crystal meth. The first time I tried it it was powerful and addictive and known as satan's drug.  Only God can fill the void that we seek. For a few minutes of instant gratification wears off then your chasing it again and again! I have a question for you what spiritual diseases are you carrying today? For me to admit that my ...

What seemed at the time to be my worst liabilities has become my best assets today through Christ! Yeshua has put me into a position to where I am helping rape victims and I went and responded to a call last night and it was downright gruesome! I'm seeing Jeremiah 29:11 coming true for me. It says; For I know the plans that I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you not to harm you but to give you a future and hope. What the enemy had planned for me to have me be a major player in his playground yet God had a very different plan for me and my life.  For me I chose this day to serve my Lord and Savior! Journey to Totality [ Karla ]

Throughout my life a lot l I knew was chaos and confusion and plum brokenness and being brokenhearted.  I know what it's exactly like to feel all alone even though I was in the business of making men feel good.  After awhile I had absolutely nothing but a empty big void in my whole entire life.  I felt as if I was just a object to please men and my pimp would make me feel special then to beat me, rape me and make me feel as if I was nothing. My pimps would tell me " I was there by Choice and not force" that was the biggest lie! I have walked through many valleys and I was dead in the inside!  I know what it's like to walk around dead and try to act like I'm having a great time.  I went to great lengths to blot out my intolerable situation.  I did massive amounts of drugs and I became a Intravenous drug user at the age of 15 years old. My favorite scripture in the bible is in Psalms 23:4 " Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, ...

Is your past aiding and crippling you? I asked that question for I understand what it's like to be labeled and defined by this or that or the other. Trust and believe that! I am a former drug addict and prostitute and I have just recently gotten out of the gay lifestyle and I was defining myself as some drug addict and prostitute even eleven years ago I got out. I know what low self esteem is and lacking confidence in myself and doubting myself. In fact,  I am a doubting Thomas to be quite honest with you.  I have just recently became a child of God a month ago and I have still been defining my own self as a former prostitute and drug addict for when I was out being pimped out the pimps used to tell me " once a hoe always a hoe and you cannot turn a hoe into a house wife" I believed that until last night when I was spending time with the Lord. The Lord helped me see that he has delivered me and saved me for his plans and his purpose! I am not defining myself by what pi...

From not speaking for the first eight years of my life I was trained to be observant and to act as though I didn't know anything. I was diagnosed with having autism and back then they used speech therapy to get me to speak.  The amazing thing about this whole situation is that I could write very fluently and when I was in fourth grade I spelled at a eighth grade level.  I was silenced for the first eight years of my life due to the sexual trauma that was taking place in my home. I was no more autistic as the man in the moon, just that I dealt with the trauma of being molested and exploited by my father. Later on in my life I was in a National prostitution ring and I became known as the tasmanian bitch because my tongue could be very shrewd and full of hate. There's power in the tongue and it's in Psalms 52: 2 and it says this: Your tongue plots destruction: it's like a sharpened razor,  you who practice deceit.  3. You love evil rather than good, falsehood rather th...

I have been very transparent about what happened to me as a baby and a little girl and a young woman.  I was repeatedly sexually molested from the age of three years old and then I got recruited by a much older man into prostitution.  I got no attention unless I was being used as a sex object.  When I got out of the life of drugs and prostitution eleven years ago I ended up in the gay lifestyle. In the gay lifestyle I was known as a " butch" I was the very dominant one. I have been acting out sexually for so long that I have actually programmed my mind to think it was normal.  I feel used, abused by men and totally discarded by women far as my mother not doing anything about me getting molested by my father. In essence I feel like I didn't matter for she was a special education teacher and she reported abuse happening in her students homes when I desperately needed her to stand up and fight for me. I feel rejected, hurt and abandoned by my mother and to be even mor...

As I was praying and reading the word I just had something revealed to me just minutes ago. I'm a new creation in Christ and I am so used to defining myself as a former prostitute and drug addict and I am not seeing what has been happening in the past month as a new creation.  I have deep resentments and anger and rage and pain inside and I am carrying someone else's guilt and shame that I have no business upholding myself to. I am just now beginning to heal and I hate to admit that I am fragile. Its not like me to open myself up this much, yet I have to be transparent about it.  Those very resentments and anger and pain inside is going to hold me back.  I feel like Satan is playing with my mind and trying to feed me nonsense and deception by still keeping me captive.  I must start the real work in getting rid of these for my father in Heaven wants so much more for me. This word was very hard to swallow for I am not that old creature anymore. I am the clay and the...

From my experience with the ministry is that there's plenty of immortality in it. You may ask what qualifies you to say that? I am going to write from my own experience with it... As I grew up in a fundamental Baptist pastors house there were lots of immortality that went on in my father's church.  I was molested by my father and his deacons and elders and they were into child pornography and made me participate in it to make money for the church. By the Time I was 13 years old I had two abortions by my father and one of his deacons.  Of Course,  the church paid for it and the members didn't know anything about it.  I remember my father telling members to reach deep into the members pockets.  The church was very well established and it was nothing but organized crime that was going on.  It's as if I was being pimped out by the church and the leaders as well as the members.  I have been observing this same thing on certain Periscope ministries as the ...