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Feeling Overlooked.

I have been very transparent about what happened to me as a baby and a little girl and a young woman.  I was repeatedly sexually molested from the age of three years old and then I got recruited by a much older man into prostitution.  I got no attention unless I was being used as a sex object.  When I got out of the life of drugs and prostitution eleven years ago I ended up in the gay lifestyle.
In the gay lifestyle I was known as a " butch" I was the very dominant one. I have been acting out sexually for so long that I have actually programmed my mind to think it was normal.  I feel used, abused by men and totally discarded by women far as my mother not doing anything about me getting molested by my father. In essence I feel like I didn't matter for she was a special education teacher and she reported abuse happening in her students homes when I desperately needed her to stand up and fight for me.
I feel rejected, hurt and abandoned by my mother and to be even more transparent by my father as well.  I don't trust very many people for I couldn't trust the ones who were supposed to protect me. I have been saved for a month and I am still new in the Lord.  I am trying to trust the Lord with all of my heart and might although it is hard. I am trying to not lean into my own carnal understanding and trying to acknowledge him. This is not easy for it requires alot of faith for me yet I'm walking by faith not by sight.
In closing I'm going to say that I'm not going to give up five minutes before the miracle happens! I'm going to for today to change my outlook on being Overlooked today for I'm to cast my cares to my heavenly father. 
Blessings to all!
Journey to Totality [ Karla ]

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