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A Letter To My Father

This is quite a different post than you have seen however it's a letter to my father to forgive him for what he did to me.

Dear Father;
I'm writing this letter for I am hurt and angry with you for taking my innocence at the age of three years old and my very first memory of my life was of you fondling me in the bathtub.  That was sick for I was a little innocent baby being traumatized by you. It wasn't just a one time occurrence either! I was so traumatized by the molestation that happened to me that I didn't even speak for the first eight years of my life and mom took me to Boys and girls town National Institute in Omaha for the reasons that she believed that I was autistic and I was diagnosed with autism at four years old.  I was not autistic,  for it was all for the simple fact that I was severely traumatized by you and you thought that I was autistic and I was not so you used a “ handicap “ against me so I would not say anything. I have reasons to think that you were molesting me from a small infant for by the time I was three I should have been talking.  I had to go through hours of speech therapy yet that turned into a big asset for me for writing came natural for me and it became my saving grace for when I couldn't even verbally speak. I became a superb speller by the time I was in fourth grade I spelled at a eighth grade level! Even though you intimidated me by speaking verbally I could communicate my pain and anger and trauma in writing. To this day I have a very difficult time verbally communicating. I am letting you know how much you exactly robbed from me.  I was in Special education and I didn't belong in there. I belonged in a regular classroom. I only was in special education programs for my malfunction in verbal communication and my social skills.  You isolated me from everyone and everything. You tried to keep me silent yet it didn't work.  I also am appalled by the fact that you held the highest title in the church as a Baptist pastor and you let your deacons and elders molest me and exploit me.  I never had a father figure in my life and when I was fourteen years old you drove me out of the house and I ran away from being abused by you and your disgusting men of your church.  I am hurt that you prepared me for the life of drugs and prostitution and I ended up in a National prostitution ring and I didn't know any better. I tried to commit suicide 32 times and jails and psych wards and drugs and prostitution were a never ending revolving door. I could not trust you and you were supposed to look out for me and to protect me. The lavish gifts didn't mean nothing but to relive your guilt  It’s not a wonder that I was all kinds of messed up. I'm more than a sex object to please men for I have became a child of God a month ago and I am seeing things from a different perspective. I don't know what your background is as a kid growing up however if you were molested by someone didn't give you a right to mess me up. If that happened to you I can emphasize the pain and the void that you felt by the same token I felt that by you. I have never felt good enough and I always attracted abusive men such as yourself. The only difference between us in this is that I was very self destructive and you were very abusive to mom and I.  I am going to tell you that you raised me up in a very confusing mess of a message when it came down to God. I am sympathetic about your situation far as having a abusive alcoholic father and you had to drop out of school to help support your family however you went too far and then to act as if everything is my fault and nothing was wrong with you. I want you to know that I am no longer interested in carrying your guilt, shame and remorse for it’s not mine to carry! I am being required by God to release this and to put you into prayer and to release you and let all of this go. God saved me from your evil attempt and other mens attempts to paralyze me and I no longer want to carry your debt and pay the price Spiritually. I do have apart in this for it's taken me this long. The devil is a liar and used you to convince me that I was not worthy. Well, I am not going to give you this much Power over my life and my mind no longer. So in closing I'm taking back everything you stole from me and I rather have peace of mind through God than to torture myself for another minute being angry. I release you in Jesus name and I am reclaiming back my time.  You're the one whom is accountable for I'm not so Therefore I'm saying good bye and I am the woman that I am today only through Jesus! I will be praying for you to repent and to get right with God. I have settled the score once and for all and I am letting everything that you did to destroy me go. In closing I hope that it’s not too late for your Salvation. 
Your Daughter;
Karla

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